Tales From the C Suite: The Board Meeting From Hell
*As a disclaimer, know that what I am about to describe isn't a typical board meeting. Most of those are more of a formality. Most decisions are made amongst the board before the meeting. Voting and discussion generally happen in the formal meeting. This is an unusual circumstance.*
The Setup
The worst board meeting I was ever a part of was when I was an analyst early in my career. I was delivering bad news to the CEO because my VP was a coward and wanted to avoid getting his ass chewed out, even though it wasn't really his fault.
I had to tell the CEO that a vendor who promised us $600M in annual savings, only got us $200M. Keep in mind this was critical to our earnings results. It was a huge risk to the bottom line. It was also a new tactic to the industry. A feather in the cap of the CEO.
How did an analyst get invited to a Fortune 500 board meeting? As I said, my VP tapped out and the info we needed to get was extremely last minute. We weren't even sure we would have it in time.
When we did, I was instructed by my VP to go deliver the news personally, since "I was the closest to the info and could speak to it". It was the wrong thing to do to an analyst but there was a reason I wasn't too upset about the task.
This was the fact that it was my final week at the company. Can you blame me for leaving given the person I was working for? Also the company was not doing well and layoffs were coming. It was time. I saw the writing on the wall. I had a "nothing to lose" vibe and it was great . . . but that soon ended.
The Meeting
I take the elevator up to the top floor. That one floor is a giant board room and executive suites. The CEO's admin lets me in the meeting and as soon as I walk in it's just old men, with pissed off looks staring daggers at me like I just shit in their coffee.
I froze.
The CEO addresses me immediately. I could tell that his patience was already worn thin.
"You report to [redacted], don’t you?" Yes.
"Where the hell is he?" Downstairs.
"Well what's the verdict? I needed that information yesterday!"
With each question he is progressively getting more irritated. I could feel the tension growing more and more from everyone in the room.
I tell the board the bad news.
I immediately get hit with rapid fire questions from everyone. I'm doing my best to manage it, but it was chaos. It turned into a rage fest. Nobody had a filter anymore. It was like they were pent up and just started turning on each other after they were done with me.
These well respected men are now just ripping each other.
"What kind of dumbass question is that?"
"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?"
"What kind of bullshit is this?"
I was stunned.
Eventually the CEO called the vendor's CEO to chew them out. I was told to stay to support what we found. "Hey [redacted]. Why are you f*cking me?" Was the opening line. The vendor played dumb, asked to verify, and punted. After the call, the CEO told me that he would be calling my boss and to get the hell out.
When I got back to my desk, my boss was up my ass asking about what happened. I didn't hold back or sugar coat it. He immediately went into panic mode. Talking to himself, biting his nails, and pacing. It was kind of comical.
I wasn't worried. I was leaving. It was all on him now.
The Aftermath
The next day, my boss tells me that the vendor will cover the $400M because they wanted the business. Also, they are a giant Fortune 500 as well. They can afford it. My boss was so confident now.
At the end of the week, my last day had finally come. Although my boss was self serving, he knew how to party and he rewarded me for taking shit I shouldn’t have. He shutdown our department at noon and we all went out on a boat he rented for the rest of the day. It was also catered and an open bar. It ended up being a great send off for good employee (me, of course). It was the best goodbyes I had ever received.
As a bonus, I stayed in touch with him. He ended up getting promoted after all that, about a year later. I wasn’t surprised.
The Lesson
I never experienced another board meeting like that ever again, and I've been a part of quite a few. Just remember, what you experience at one company, is not the norm for ALL companies.
Having the awareness to decipher what you take and use later is a critical skill. As someone new in their career, I could have thought this is how ALL board meetings are.
Lastly, although I was out of my element as a 24 year old in my first real gig out of college, I came away knowing that even the most highly ranked people still act like human beings. Sometimes we think that executives or officers are these larger than life people because of their power. They aren’t. They still wipe their ass when they go number two and pop a finger in their mouth when they get a paper cut. They can fire you, but they can’t eat you.